Your ceremony can be considered the heart of your wedding celebration; it's the moment when you pour out your feelings, hopes, and dreams for your marriage. And when your union becomes real in front of your family, friends, the law, or your spiritual beliefs. That is why finding the right celebrant is so important because you need someone who can understand and accompany you through a moment that forever lasts in your memories. 

But how can you tell you have found the one? Well, I have some tools, questions, and tips to help you out. You need to make sure you invest the right amount of time and energy into finding your celebrant because it matters so much more than finding the right color of tablecloth, and the font of your invitations, trust me. 

As an Auckland wedding photographer I’ve seen all types of ceremonies, from heartfelt wedding vows written by the couple to inspirational words by a celebrant who understands the couple's beliefs and background. And we can all agree that when the celebrant is right, the ceremony has a special vibe. So, I requested a couple of my favorite celebrants to join me in this piece and help you find the right celebrant with insight from the specialists. 

When you start looking for your celebrant, you need to have two clear aspects of your ceremony, first the tone you want for the ceremony, and second your expectations. To get a bit deeper into it:

• Tone of the ceremony. When you close your eyes and imagine the moment you arrive at your ceremony location and walk down the aisle to meet your partner, how do you envision the ceremony unveiling? Are you eager to say everything you love about your fiancé? Do you want your guests to have fun or to tear up as your celebrant conducts the ceremony? It would help if you had some idea of how formal or relaxed your ceremony should be. 

• Ceremony expectations. Now, you also need to know if you want a celebrant who gets hands-on and personalize your ceremony, meets with you many times before the big day and walks you through the process. In the words of Peter Cowell, "Make sure celebrant is happy to discuss tailoring the ceremony to couple's wishes (within the legalities of the marriage act of course) Make sure celebrant is happy to have a rehearsal so couple can feel relaxed on the day." Or if you prefer a celebrant who gets the job done formally and classically. 

Peter also says meeting your potential celebrant is key; the fact that "the couple feels comfortable with the celebrant would be very important, so meet, or Zoom, or at least talk on the phone." You don't want to meet your celebrant for the first time on your wedding day and find out they do not get at all your wishes.

Questions to ask your potential celebrant.

Now that you know how your ceremony should ideally be, it is time to interview the candidates. But simply showing up is not enough; you must have a set of questions prepared, and Phillipa Thomas has helped me out to get into the details. 

What does this celebrant offer for their fee? 

Celebrants in New Zealand are legally obligated to provide some services within their fee, including conducting a ceremony legally, making sure the couple and two witnesses correctly fill the license and email it for processing within the right time frame. 

Each celebrant might include extra services to improve your experience, and that is what you need to know about their fee. Phillipa says: "Anything above and beyond this is essentially at the celebrant's discretion, so asking what they offer as part of their service can give you an indication as to whether or not they are suited to you and your wedding. Do they have a PA system? Will they help you write your vows? Can they recommend other vendors? Will they add personal touches to your ceremony?" 

Will a rehearsal be part of their fee? 

Rehearsals are often overlooked because they don't appear to be necessary, and they aren't, but this depends on how comfortable you feel about knowing every detail before the day arrives. For some couples, a rehearsal is a part of keeping control and certainty, while others prefer to be surprised.

According to Phillipa, "every celebrant has their way of operating, and many will offer a rehearsal/wedding run-through as part of their service. Normally the day before the wedding, this is a great chance for you to familiarise yourself with the layout and how the ceremony will flow on the day. Rehearsals aren't always feasible, and they aren't essential to the smooth running of your day, so it's best to chat with the celebrant and get their vibe around these". 

How many weddings have they done? 

Experience gives a celebrant a higher value; the more diverse the ceremonies they have attended, the higher the knowledge and expertise they can bring to your ceremony. But don't let little experience rule out a celebrant; sometimes, this only means it will be even better. 

"While there is no magic number of weddings that immediately shifts a celebrant from "amateur" to "professional," knowing how many weddings they've done can help you to understand their level of experience in the field. Of course, everyone has to start somewhere, and some of the best ceremonies are conducted by people just starting, so this alone should not be a deciding factor". 

Are they going to honor your belief system and include the things you want in your ceremony? 

Your cultural background, personal beliefs, and any other aspect of your life should be aligned with the way your ceremony is conducted. That's the reason why you need to find a celebrant who is willing to honor your beliefs. 

"If you are pro-LGBTQ+ and have family and friends who are in the Rainbow community, it will be important to you to have a celebrant who thinks the same. Likewise, if you want to include Pagan elements or biblical references in your ceremony, you want a celebrant who will do this for you without objection. If you want a nude celebrant, you'll need one who is happy to comply".

Do you like them? 

Well, you are not marrying your celebrant, right, so why should you like them? The answer is simple, your celebrant will be on your wedding footage for ages to come, and if you had a bad experience, it would change a memory that should be precious and filled with love. 

Phillipa has a great way of putting it. "This is a really important and often overlooked question but one that is critical to the overall vibe of the ceremony. Do you get a good feeling about them? Could you see yourself chatting nervously to them before your wedding or sharing a coffee and a laugh in the lead-up to the big day? Or do they scare you a little bit? Having confidence and comfort in your celebrant will make a big difference to how they run the day, and how you react to them (and how your family and friends react to them as well)". 

What are their contingency plans if things don't go to plan? 

As you begin your wedding plans, the last thing you want on your mind is thinking about something going wrong. But this is necessary because it is best to be prepared and don't need it than to encounter difficulty on the wedding day and not having a backup plan. And there is another big matter on every couple since 2020, as Phillipa explains. 

"One word – Covid. What are their cancellation/postponement policies? How flexible are they with date changes? What support can they offer you if you have to cancel your wedding for some reason? What if they can't perform your ceremony for some reason?"

Why did they become a celebrant?

There is no right answer, but having it will let you know the reasons behind their decision and what they can add to your celebration. "Did they become a celebrant because they love weddings so much it makes them cry? Did they become a celebrant so that they could do their brother's uncle's cousin's wedding? Or did they see it as an easy way to make some cash on the side? None of these reasons are wrong reasons, but they might give you an idea of how they align with your ideas."

Tips from the professionals

After finding out everything about your celebrant, you might still be a bit anxious about planning for such a massive day; and so I’ve gotten Natasha Bowen to help share a few extra tips to help you not just pick your celebrant, but making your day run smoother!

1. Vows. 

When it comes to wedding vows, there is always doubt around the idea of writing or not to write. I recommend you as a couple talk about it and come to a mutual decision. Sometimes it feels natural to write them, but some couples might feel anxious about it. So do what makes you feel comfortable. Natasha says, "you don't have to say vows on the day to each other if you both do not feel comfortable doing this part in front of everyone. Your celebrant can give you other options".

2. Personalise.

Some tailoring might come in handy when you don't want your wedding ceremony to be the typical one. "Ask your celebrant how they can personalize your day? to make it original from what they may be used to seeing at other weddings or on tv?"     

3. Meet before. 

Besides meeting your celebrant before signing the contract, you should also meet a couple of days before the ceremony. "Request to view your ceremony a week out if you want to look over at a few things. your celebrant may block out certain things to leave this for the day".         

4. Timing. 

There is nothing worse than arriving late to your ceremony; you will be stressed, nervous, and perhaps mad. And all those emotions aren't right for your big day. Natasha has a couple of tips: 

- Get ready near the ceremony venue. 

- Be aware of traffic. 

- Make one of your bridal party or friends your time person. 

5. Weather and style. 

Keep an eye on the weather, especially when you say I do outdoors. Wind and humidity can mess up your hairstyle, veil, and gown. "If you have long hair and getting married outside, make sure that it's sprayed and set down well so that you don't spend half the ceremony time putting your hair away from your face and tucking it behind your ear 30 times". Knowing where you are supposed to be standing during the ceremony can help you choose the hairstyle and locate your accessories, so your face shows on every picture. 

6. Be yourself. 

Although it might be tempting to see your wedding as a performance, keep in mind everyone around you knows you and your partner closely, so there is no need to act a certain way or feel shy about reading your vows or giving some words at your reception. 

"If you mess up during vows, that's probably a trait they expect from you, and you will all end up laughing, making you feel relaxed. However, your celebrant will have laid down a comfortable and relaxed foundation beforehand that your guests will be so relaxed and in awe by the time the ceremony starts".

7. Hire an MC. 

“I recommend that you consider hiring an mc, someone professional, to keep the atmosphere relaxed and fun. Having a family friend or member is great if they want to do the job, but in my experience, this part has been daunting for some family/friends' mc's. They can't relax because they want to do a great job for you. And they may feel way better just being a guest on your day. Between getting married and the end of formalities, you don't want any awkward silences or chilly air on a day that's so important”.       

8. Have a plan B. 

Always ask your celebrant what happens if they are unable to attend your ceremony. We hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, it's better to know who to call or what to expect. 

9. Bridal party duties. 

Your photographer will let you know if anything needs to be fixed before taking your pictures, but we cannot interfere easily when you are in the middle of the ceremony. As Natasha says, "bridal party should check the couples makeup and/or hair before they take off for their photos. it gets overlooked, and your photos are for life".

10. Enjoy. 

Your wedding day is nerve-racking; we get it because so many months of planning are becoming a reality, and many things could go wrong. But try to keep in mind you did everything in your power to organize the event of your dreams, and if things don't go as planned, well, no one will notice. 

Natasha's advice is, "omg, have fun. Anxieties will steal your day. be yourself 100%; your guests will be there in awe and support and have so much love for you. Their wish is for you to have the day of your lives. have fun!!! you will only do this once!!".

In order to put this blog together we spoke with some of the top celebrants in the game to get their perspectives on finding the perfect celebrant! Do check them out too when you’ve got some time!